There are three paths from here. Each one is structured, time-gated, and ends with a clearer answer than you have today. Pick the one that matches your experience, and take it for a walk.
Branch A
Structured Repair You have not yet engaged a sustained, professionally-supported repair attempt. Discernment counseling, Gottman or EFT couples therapy, or an intensive — with a 90-day checkpoint and clear graduation criteria.
Branch B
Structured Separation Trial You need distance to think clearly without ending the marriage. A defined separation with agreed-upon terms, individual therapy on both sides, and a re-evaluation date that doesn't slide.
Branch C
Structured Exit You have clarity. The remaining work is to do this well: choose the right legal pathway, protect everyone's finances, manage the co-parenting transition if that applies, and grieve cleanly.